When God Says No

You may have read that we were going to find out if our IVF had been successful on Christmas Day. It wasn’t. And we did find out on Christmas Day. At 5pm to be precise. Just after we’d finished a lovely Christmas Dinner. I cried. My Mum cried. It wasn’t Read more…

God Is In The Waiting

A friend of my sister is praying for my husband and I on a regular basis. Here is someone I have never met, praying for me. I find that so humbling and emotional. Their whole small group pray for us and regularly ask how we’re doing. This is the family Read more…

Light Of Hope & Shadow Of Darkness

At tonight’s Maundy Thursday service I wasn’t expecting to reflect on our infertility. Believe it or not the pain and the longing have subsided to a point where I’m not thinking of it continuously. Maybe it was the song ‘Even If’ which was sung so poignantly. This song has given Read more…

Kids Birthday Parties

A work conference in Europe happened to coincide with my niece’s 3rd birthday and it was such a privilege to celebrate it with her in person. I love watching kids open presents and she’s now at the age that she’s also interested in what’s inside, and not just the wrapping Read more…

Regret Or Embrace?

My boss asked me if I would go to Peru for a work trip. I love travelling, I’ve never been there and I would get to see the impact of our work in practice. Normally I would jump at this chance. But on the other hand there’s Zika. We’ve just Read more…

Another Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is hard. It’s been hard for years to be honest. When I was single it was hard as I still wanted to be a Mum and all around me people were celebrating Mums and motherhood. There often wasn’t much thought given to those who couldn’t have kids. Single Read more…

An Empty Womb

It started out so normally. I lay there on the bed as the technician moved the ultrasound wand over my belly. The TV was to my left on the wall. It wasn’t my first ultrasound. I should have known what to expect, except I think it was the first time Read more…

Am I Pregnant?

4 days later: Every sign my body makes I’m questioning for a sign that I am pregnant. I’m tired – abnormally so, but then I’ve thought that every month. I had stomach cramps a few days this week – is that ovulation? Is that implantation? Is it significant? I’m constipated Read more…

Am I Pregnant?

My period is late. It’s never late. Do I dare hope? Two days late is a lot for me. I want to take a test and I don’t. I’m scared of more disappointment. Yes, the result will be the same whether I take the test or not, but it’s nice Read more…

A Temporary Mist

I basically knew that my period was starting as we sat in the parking lot and my mood matched the dark clouds and thick mist that surrounded us. The supposedly stunning scenery was hidden from us. But it didn’t look as though the weather was going to get much better Read more…